SUNDAY FUNDAY Jan 19 2002

Platform: NES
Developer: Wisdom Tree

Sunday Funday is an attempt to make kids think Sunday school is the greatest place on earth. How will this game succeed? By letting you control a kid that stares death in the white of the eye to get to Sunday school in time. But the fun doesn't stop there: This is a three-in-one cartridge!

SUNDAY FUNDAY

The title game is of course the most extensive one. You have to skateboard through countless levels packed with thugs, killer clowns, plumbers, old ladies, and what seems to be mutant frogs, just to name a few, before you reach school, where you face the end boss: a grizzly bear. What all these creatures have in common is that they all want you to die before you reach Sunday school.

Holy crap! An old lady is trying to eat me! Now how will I get to Sunday school? Hopefully a bomb thrown from the window will explode at the exact moment she steps on it. Hah! Rest in pieces, cunt!

I don't know about you guys, but if my mother bought me this game to encourage me into going to Sunday school, I would be hiding in a dark cellar every Sunday. What the hell were Wisdom Tree thinking? If you have to skateboard for miles, kill sixth-graders before they kill you (and yes, they do die, their spirit leaving their bodies is even represented by a dove), risk drowning in the sewers and dodge bombs thrown at random from windows to learn to know God, I'd rather stay pagan.

FISHFALL

In this game, you control what appears to be the hand of God. You have to catch fish representing human souls and throw them into a basket representing the Kingdom Come. But beware! Hungry seagulls want to eat the fish... erm... souls, and electric eels and eerie little jumping creatures try to hurt God! Plus, if you fail to catch the fish or hit the upside-down and left-to-right sliding basket, they will... erm... swim astray and ultimately go to hell. I suppose. The whole thing is kind of confusing, as the metaphors seem to be in a melee and try to eat each other. I asked my old literature teacher if he could figure it out, and now he sits in a corner all day long singing Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables.

In the jungle, catch the paratrooping human souls and put them in your basket. But watch out for the soul-devouring electric eel! The human souls are in bubbles floating out of giant smoking pipes. When eyeballs appear, hit them with fish to turn them into strange creatures that sometimes crawl into the basket. Wait a minute...

4HIM - THE RIDE

Strictly speaking, this is not a game. It's a karaoke machine with 8-bit midi music! Woohoo! Gather up all the pagan Japanese people you can find, and let them sing along to the song The Ride by 4Him! Guaranteed to save souls!

The problem is, following the melody is about as easy as licking yourself between the shoulders, and just as painful. In fact, there is no melody, just a sequence of sounds that seem to be following a pattern (though not the same the lyrics are following). Actually, I've made it easier for you by typing lots of sounds below along with a screen shot. If you can follow this, you might be able to follow the music provided by the game (not meaning you should):

*tchk* *tchk* *tchk* *dum* *dum* *dum* *dum* *dum* *plink* *tchk* *tchk* *beep-a-beep* *dum* *dum* *plink* *plunk* *plank* *dff* *dum* *dum* *dum* *tchk* *tchk* *beep-a-beep* *trp* *plank* *dff* *dum* *plink* *dum* *dum* *tchk* *tchk* *beep-a-beep* *dum* *dum* *plink* *tchk* *tchk* *dum* *dum* *dum* *dum* *dum* *tchk* *tchk* *beep-a-beep* *tchk* *tchk* *dum* *dum* *dum* *dum* *dum* *plink*

It doesn't matter whether you're religious or not, this cartridge is harmful, and should be shot at sight.
Links:
- Info from official site