6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY June 21 2002

Hello there. I'm LEGO Alan Rickman, and I'll be your host as we look back at the six months this site has been on the net. We've got an exclusive interview from webmaster/author Per Arne, we get a look behind the scenes, and to tell you exactly how things are going down around here, many of the featured characters and items have agreed to comment on their experiences with the author. First of all, let's talk to the mind behind the grind, the host with the most, the fellow with the cello: Per Arne Sandvik! So, Mr. Sandvik, you...

You went for the rhyming intro, huh?
Yeah, I saw someone on the MTV Movie Awards do it. It might have been Chris Rock, but I'm not really sure.
I don't play the cello, you know.
Hm?
I don't play the cello.
Oh. I could do one with 'wizard' instead. Do you have any idea how many words rhyme with wizard? Lizard, gizzard, blizzard, izard... all kinds of stuff. It's pretty amazing, I always assumed it was one of those unrhymable words, like 'orange'.
Stonehenge.
Huh?
Stonehenge. Always thought it rhymed with orange.
Well, that depends completely on the dialect, doesn't it?
What's an izard?
My thesarus says it's the Pyrenean chamois. I don't know what the hell that means, so I decided it was better to do the fellow-cello thing instead. Can we get on with this?
Sure.
Ok. First of all, let me thank you for choosing me for this task. it's a true hon...
I wanted to ask Phil, but he doesn't talk.
Phil? Why doesn't he talk?
Dunno. Why don't you ask him?
Ha ha. Clever. Thanks a bunch. Why wasn't I your first choice?
I hate your article. It took me half a week to write, and nobody bothered reading it because it was too long.
Great. Just great. Let's get this thing over with. With us is Chewbacca's father Itchy. Itchy, could you tell us about your first encounter with the author?
HRÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖGH -grunt- RRHÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄL GŸŸHRRÄÄÄÄÄMM GRÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖL -snort- MÜÜÜÜÜÜÜRRRRRÖÖÖLLH RRHÄÄÄÄÄOOO -hrfff- RRRRMMMMÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜHM RAAAAGH!
So, what you're saying is that during the creation of the Star Wars Holiday Special article, you were promised an interracial porn magazine in payment? And when it never arrived, Sandvik blamed it on the trade federation?
RRRRRHHHÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖLLH!
Sandvik?
Goddamnit Itchy, for the last time, I was just pulling your leg. When you masturbate on public television, people are going to bring it up to embarass you. Jesus Christ!
RHHAAAAAAAAALMM!?
You do know Wookies tend to rip people's arms off when you talk to them like that?
Rheumatic Wookies don't.
Good point. Any comments on the Star Wars article?
I guess this was the one where I started to move towards the current article format. Plus, I first stated my feelings towards C-3PO in this review.
... Which brings us to our next guest star... He's aaautomatic..!
Alan? Please tell me you didn't invite him!
... He's SYS-tematic..!
Alan? I will disassemble you, you know.
... He's HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH-dro-MATIC! Give it up for...
Three words, Alan... Robbie - Coltrane's - head.
... C-3PO!
Helleu? Anybody there? I was on my way to Tiffany's to window shop when this little LEGO person asked me to make an appearance. Will there be coffee latte?
Crap! You're fired, Alan!
Huh?
You're fired. Drop by the cafeteria on the way out and tell the guys there that 'the golden titmouse has entered the nest'.
Hey, how come you never told me this place has a code word system?
Go go go!
I say, is this a sci-fi convention? I have attended quite a few in the past, let me tell you. Once, George Takei got me unbelievably drunk and we...
I don't want to hear about it, C-3PO!
Good grief! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you! Oh my, what have I done? I'm such a bad droid! Would you please punish me, sir?
HEY! YOU GIT OUTTA HERE, SUCKA!!
Heavens to Betsy! Aaaaaah!
Whew! Thanks, Chia Mr. T. Things were getting ugly.
DON'T MENTION IT, BRUTHU! WHEN THAT LI'L LEGO WIZ SEZZA WORD, CHIA T PITY THE FOO' WHO STAND IN HIS WAY!
OK... Care to take over Alan's job?
SURE, G! CHIA T GONNA GIT THIS ARTICLE TOGETHU AN' SAVE THA LI'L KIDS FROM THA CLUTCHES OF DRUGS! MR. SANDVIK, OVA' THE SIX MONTHS THIS SITE HAS BEEN ONNA NET, WHAZZA ONE ARTICLE YOU'D SAY DEFINED THE GENERAL TONE OVVA SITE!?
Good question. You tone the ghetto Jar-Jar accent down, and the job's yours for good. As for your question... I'd have to say the article about the game Kabuki Quantum Fighter was the one that established the EO approach.
S'RIGHT Y'ALL! NEXT QUESTION! WHAZ BEEN YOUR MAIN OBZACKLE WHILE SELECTING WHICH TOPICS AN' ITEMS FALL WITHIN THA CAT'GORY 'OBSCURE'!?
Hmmm... Defining what's obscure is really difficult. What's strange to me and my compatriots could be first nature to an American and vice versa. Ultimately, I usually write about the stuff I want to write about, disregarding cultural differences.
How come you decided to write four articles featuring games about Noah's ark?
What?
UUUUHHHHRRRR... AH IS WONDERIN', WHAZZUP WITHA NOAH GAMES!?
You'll have to ask the game developers. I don't make the games, I just write about them.
RIGHT! AH'D LIKE A WORD WITH ANOTHA FEATURED CHARACTER: NES KEVIN COZZNAH! MR. COZZNAH, HOW WOULD YA DESCRIBE YO EXPERIENCE WITHA AUTHOR!? AND AH WANNA STRAIGHT ANSUH!
The truth? Well, ever after the article about Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves, my life hasn't been worth living. Everywhere, people ask me if I really went to find the healing water and killed a monster pig. It's really starting to take over my life.
YEAH, THASS WHAT AH CONTACTED YA FOR! WHAZZUP WITH THAT!? HOW COME THA NES GAME IS PACKED WITH MAGICAL CREATURES AN' CRAZY SHIT THAT NEVAH WUZ IN THA MOVIE!?
Hey, screw this, I quit. Don't bother calling me if you're writing a follow-up.
YEAH, DON'T WORRY, SUCKA! S'NOT LIKE THIS SITE'S BASED ON NES GAMES! AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BOSS..?!
Huh? Well, they're quite essential...
UH..! YEAH, BUT S'NOT LIKE THEY KICKED THE SITE OFF, IS IT!?
It's funny you should mention that, since the first feature on the site was about a T product: Mr. T's Water War.
YEAH, AH WUZ KINDA WAITIN' FOR YA TO BRING IT UP! IT'S KINDA TOUGH HINTING SUBTLY WHEN YO A LOUD GHETTO BRUTHU WITH CRESS GROWIN' FROM YO HEAD!
Well, I was out on the net looking for stuff out of the ordinary when the Mr. T Water War and the Jesus action figure appeared on my screen. I had been planning to start a site like this, and the two toys managed to light the necessary spark.
AN' SUCH IS THA STORY ABOUT A BOY AN' HIS WEBSITE! THIS IS CHIA T SAYIN' OVA AN' OUT!
Christ, when are these things going to turn out the way I want them to?